Five Ways to Present Your Best Self and Create Harmony in Your Relationships

Have you ever stopped to just listen to yourself?

Do you communicate well with others? Do you show love and support through the way you talk and act? Do you even recognize how you show up for yourself, and whether you are doing yourself a disservice in those moments? Consider the idea that when one chooses bad behavior, in part or in whole, it is a reflection of one’s character.

If you find yourself yelling at someone, saying things you regret, or barking foul language, you eventually will be remorseful. That is, of course, if you have a conscience.

Look, everyone has bad days, bad situations, and hard luck. I know I do. There are times when I’ve had regret on how I presented myself, what I’ve said, and what I’ve done. Although we all must move beyond those moments, forgiving each other, how we handle ourselves in those situations, and whether or not we realize our flaws, is what makes all the difference. Our future depends upon it.

Here are five ways to show up for yourself and salvage those relationships:

  1. Make a happier you. If there’s only one thing that comes from presenting yourself well, it is that you create a happier life for yourself. You do this by showing up for yourself; choosing your reactions. Since you’re more aware of what you say and do, you won’t get all worked up in the emotional end of a situation. You know how to think on your feet. Obviously, that doesn’t mean there won’t be pain in the process, but how you react to that pain can change the scenario dramatically. In time, you figure out how to make every situation work a little bit better.
  2. If you owe one, give it. With relationships comes disagreements; it’s normal for most people…and apologies soon follow. If you owe one, give it. However, open ears and an open heart can only hear the words “I’m sorry” so many times. The receiver must believe, without a doubt, that you are truly sorry, and that you understand how you hurt them. Then again, if this situation is one that continually happens, chances are your words will be ignored. The belief that things will change will not be an option.
  3. Create a plan and make a vow to shine. Make a vow to pay attention to yourself. Recognize your trigger points, ahead of time, and figure out what you can do to avoid potential conflict that comes your way. Remove yourself from negative conversations, and most definitely refrain from stirring the pot, so to speak. Promise yourself going into situations that you will show up in the best version of yourself.
  4. Look for the solutions. Take the time to look for positive remedies for when issues arise. Find ways to combat conflict without a negative tone. Being mature about the outcome can create solutions that you never thought of before now.
  5. Do your homework and make good choices. If you believe with all your heart that the relationship is worth salvaging, then go after it. If the connection was not meant to be, and is not important to your future, then let it go. Holding on to combative relationships, or the resentment, remorse, and bitterness that comes with the territory will only destroy you in the process.

In the end, relationships created out of love or respect usually overcome the small details of petty issues. Connections that don’t have at least one of these two ingredients, love or respect, may very well discontinue once conflict arises. Even with the words of apology, there’s a strong possibility that one or the other may not want to continue the relationship.

We only have so many love connections in this world. Do your part to find ways to keep those connections alive and well. Be the hero, take a chance, and be vulnerable with your heart. Let others know you care. You might be surprised how many hearts will open through your actions.

Genuinely,

Kimberly Mitchell
Author of Loving with Purpose

To read more on dating, relationships, family and friends, check out my book, Loving with Purpose, or go to any of the following links…

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Inner Child Healing

Boy & Sea

Boy & Sea

INNER CHILD HEALING

By Mary Cook, M.A., R.A.S.

Rigidity is a sign of aging, illness and death.  It can be hardening of the arteries or the prisons of addictions.  Our eyes can be glued to pornography, and miss the loving affection from our own child.  We might attempt to escape fear by imposing our will upon others.  We can be stuck in a whirlpool of unending desires or carry the carnage of resentments on our back.  Lives can be lost behind walls of isolation, or in busyness pridefully pretending to be productivity.  These are all ways of attaching ourselves to the edges of life, afraid to let go of our primal pain and its’ defenses.

In contrast, healthy children are focused on loving, learning, playing and evolving.  They are flexible, resilient and immersed in the natural flow of life.  They fully engage with the moment, which births the newness of the next moment.  Their play is devoid of judgment and self-consciousness.  It is children jumping up and down or babbling and squealing to the sound of music.  It’s free, spontaneous, relaxed, joyful, creative inner expression.  The feelings that accompany this kind of playfulness are often missing in adults.

A stressful or traumatic childhood leaves our inner child self frightened and stuck in dark places.  Lack of healthy bonding removes the lightness of life, in exchange for the stagnancy and emptiness of obsessions and compulsions.  As adults attempting to heal our inner child, we can visualize and surround this child with compassionate love and understanding.  We can know the child’s pain without becoming, denying, judging, resisting or fighting it.  We can show them that we will not drown in their torrent of tears, nor abandon them in response to their rejection, confusion, fear and emptiness.  Nor will we become defensive, offensive or die from their feelings of rage.  This patient, consistent acceptance and deeper awareness ultimately frees the inner child from pain and defenses.  Inner child bonding and healing creates a new sense of safety which stimulates flexibility, resilience and growth for our adult self, bringing a sense of hope, lightness and vitality that softens suffering, promotes happiness and puts us in the fullness of life.

Chasing After False Gods – The Attitude Of Gratitude

sunset

CHASING AFTER FALSE GODS

By Mary Cook, M.A., R.A.S.

Chasing after false gods of money, power, possessions, sex, alcohol and other drugs, instead of asking what it is that we hope to feel, and what it is that we are running from.  When did we jump on a treadmill of escalating expectations and call it life?  When did we learn to fear our own pure feelings deep within?  When did we stop trusting our connection to the infinite?  When did we stop believing in our ability to evolve from all that we and life create?

sunsetTypically the desire underlying addictions is to experience a sense of peace, wholeness, happiness, positive esteem and fulfillment.  Ironically addicts experience chronic conflict and pressure, a sense of deficiency, misery and shame, a life out of balance and continually contracting, distance and loss of what one loved, and diminishing self-care and adult responsibility.  Addiction only gives us a bed of roses at the cemetery.  Supporting our true desires means that we find the place where we feel whole deep inside, we find all that’s precious within us, and we find blessings and miracles in everyday life.

We can lose our sense of safety and run away from life.  We can fear others’ intentions and stay small and self contained.  We can steal, lie, intimidate and fight our way through life.  We can isolate from authentic engagement and fantasize that we are free.  But we’re really on a self made island running out of food.  So when do we meet the sadness with a compassionate heart?  When do we face the trauma and begin our healing journey?  When do we find what is trustworthy in us and in our life?  When do we find the nourishment that can’t be taken away?  When do we find the sacred bond and know that we are free?

We can accept each moment exactly as it is, or we can try to control, quarrel, deny or hide from it.  We can focus on our judgment of the moment, or we can focus on our highest, healthiest response to it.  We can accept that all of life is intertwined, or we can divide life into hierarchies, friends and enemies.  We can focus on our unique selfish needs, or we can focus on actions that bring the greatest good for all.  We can live in a powerful evolving spiritual partnership, or we can live in a futile competitive race, based on craving what cannot be possessed.

Instead of chasing after false gods and running away from life, we can stand completely still in the fullness of truth right now.  We can surrender stress and fear, and open our hearts to love.  We can accept the amazing and mysterious interweaving of earthly lessons and heavenly grace, and evolve from all that we and life create.  When we release our need to acquire, change or control anyone or anything, we can stand in awe and wonder and feel the fullness of our holy hearts joined in loving unity with all.