Five Ways to Present Your Best Self and Create Harmony in Your Relationships

Have you ever stopped to just listen to yourself?

Do you communicate well with others? Do you show love and support through the way you talk and act? Do you even recognize how you show up for yourself, and whether you are doing yourself a disservice in those moments? Consider the idea that when one chooses bad behavior, in part or in whole, it is a reflection of one’s character.

If you find yourself yelling at someone, saying things you regret, or barking foul language, you eventually will be remorseful. That is, of course, if you have a conscience.

Look, everyone has bad days, bad situations, and hard luck. I know I do. There are times when I’ve had regret on how I presented myself, what I’ve said, and what I’ve done. Although we all must move beyond those moments, forgiving each other, how we handle ourselves in those situations, and whether or not we realize our flaws, is what makes all the difference. Our future depends upon it.

Here are five ways to show up for yourself and salvage those relationships:

  1. Make a happier you. If there’s only one thing that comes from presenting yourself well, it is that you create a happier life for yourself. You do this by showing up for yourself; choosing your reactions. Since you’re more aware of what you say and do, you won’t get all worked up in the emotional end of a situation. You know how to think on your feet. Obviously, that doesn’t mean there won’t be pain in the process, but how you react to that pain can change the scenario dramatically. In time, you figure out how to make every situation work a little bit better.
  2. If you owe one, give it. With relationships comes disagreements; it’s normal for most people…and apologies soon follow. If you owe one, give it. However, open ears and an open heart can only hear the words “I’m sorry” so many times. The receiver must believe, without a doubt, that you are truly sorry, and that you understand how you hurt them. Then again, if this situation is one that continually happens, chances are your words will be ignored. The belief that things will change will not be an option.
  3. Create a plan and make a vow to shine. Make a vow to pay attention to yourself. Recognize your trigger points, ahead of time, and figure out what you can do to avoid potential conflict that comes your way. Remove yourself from negative conversations, and most definitely refrain from stirring the pot, so to speak. Promise yourself going into situations that you will show up in the best version of yourself.
  4. Look for the solutions. Take the time to look for positive remedies for when issues arise. Find ways to combat conflict without a negative tone. Being mature about the outcome can create solutions that you never thought of before now.
  5. Do your homework and make good choices. If you believe with all your heart that the relationship is worth salvaging, then go after it. If the connection was not meant to be, and is not important to your future, then let it go. Holding on to combative relationships, or the resentment, remorse, and bitterness that comes with the territory will only destroy you in the process.

In the end, relationships created out of love or respect usually overcome the small details of petty issues. Connections that don’t have at least one of these two ingredients, love or respect, may very well discontinue once conflict arises. Even with the words of apology, there’s a strong possibility that one or the other may not want to continue the relationship.

We only have so many love connections in this world. Do your part to find ways to keep those connections alive and well. Be the hero, take a chance, and be vulnerable with your heart. Let others know you care. You might be surprised how many hearts will open through your actions.

Genuinely,

Kimberly Mitchell
Author of Loving with Purpose

To read more on dating, relationships, family and friends, check out my book, Loving with Purpose, or go to any of the following links…

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Humility

Child Praying - Gratefulness in Prayer

Child Praying - Gratefulness in Prayer

HUMILITY

Mary Cook, M.A., R.A.S.

Humility is not viagra canada self-deprecation, impoverishment, shame or humiliation.  It is not codependence, inferiority or passivity.  Neither is it lack of personal caretaking or responsibility.  Humility is recognizing that we see a tiny fraction of ourselves and life, and that everything is much greater than our physical senses and human awareness indicate.  Humility is believing that there is a deeper dimension in spirit, and that higher consciousness can lead us there.

Humility means that we remain curious, open-minded and teachable, and thus in a process of continual growth.  As divine creations, we have a responsibility to honor, respect and care for ourselves, each other and our planet.  Humility means that we do not take more than we need, and we willingly share what we have. We all have a profound effect on one another and we choose whether it will be positive or negative.  As the earth, its elements and atmosphere enable plants, animals and humans to survive, humility engages us to protect and nurture our precious resources and each other.

Humility means that we do not seek to control people nor our God, for that entraps us in mental, emotional, physical and spiritual sickness, and removes our ability to fulfill our soul’s purpose.  Our minds, hearts and bodies inform us of earthly life and we seek harmony and balance in our actions.  The fullness of our presence deepens our awareness of each unfolding moment.  We witness and respond to the whole of life with caring consideration and wonder, knowing that this is a process of perpetual discovery and evolution.  We understand that although we are a tiny part of the world, our presence has an important ripple effect on the planet.  Our soul sees the blessings and miracles of each moment and leads us into the humble and holy purpose of our lives.

Responses to Harm

Worried Face

RESPONSES TO HARM

By Mary Cook, M.A., R.A.S.

Worried FaceWhen someone harms us or is hurtful in some way, we tend to absorb and retain these energies.  We often obsess about the experience and tell everyone we know, letting the story and its feelings grow.  Our response to harm may be self-righteous indignation, or chronic pain and suffering.  It may be retaliation.  Or it may stimulate our own feelings of low self worth or self hate.  We might invest time, thought and emotion in wondering why someone hurt us.  We can reflect on their possible thoughts, feelings, upbringing, goals and motivation.  We can spend copious amounts of time thinking of the ways they should change and mend the hurt that they cause.  Our communication, body language, and actions are often attempts to manipulate or punish, those whom we feel have hurt us.

Even when our own behavior is harmfully wrong, we tend to focus negative responses onto those who confront or impose unwanted consequences on us.  We thus add to our own unhealthy behaviors, the emotions of anger, bitterness and blame toward others.  We commonly become angry with our own body, or diseases that we contract through our unhealthy habits or neglect.

Ironically we believe that maintaining vigilant attention to the components of past negative experiences will alert us to prevent repeat episodes.  Conversely this is the very force that precipitates continuing problems.  These patterns of externalizing what is wrong, without taking responsibility for solutions, keeps us stuck in escalating negative patterns.  The amount of painful energy that we absorb from the original problem multiplies from our defensive and offensive reactions to it, and repeated recounting either in our minds or to others.  This is how the energy of harm expands, attracting similar experiences, preventing solutions, and blocking the flow of our own evolution.

We are all imperfect human beings with healthy and unhealthy traits.  We live on a planet where pristine paradise, natural disasters and constant change coexist.  And yet we court false beliefs dictating that we should have all that we desire for as long as we wish, and none of what we fear.  This denial of the duality and transformations of the earth and its inhabitants, puts us in constant conflict with life.  Attempts to capture, cling and control external circumstances are doomed to failure and misery. This focus causes us to forget what we have to give, and overlook the blessings that we do receive.  No matter how, when and where harm began, responses that increase our negative energy diminish, and if severe, preclude the possibilities of natural joy, hope and appreciation in the rest of our life.  The dark and light side of life are inextricably woven together.  Just as ignorance precedes knowledge and healing follows illness, shadows are necessary to allow us to more clearly see and appreciate the light.

Cultivating a mature adult relationship with ourselves means that we acknowledge the whole of who we are.  This entails honesty, deep understanding, responsibility for our well being, learning, growth and integrity.  It includes setting healthy boundaries between aspects of ourselves, other people or situations that are destructive.  It is wise to do this without anger or other negative emotions, because a mind full of complaints and criticisms isn’t capable of finding a solution.  We can refuse to participate in or add to any harm that visits us.  Our best response to harm or potential harm is to seek safety, assistance, healing, a better understanding of ourselves, and personal and spiritual growth.

Instead of focusing on who hurt us or why, we can identify the consequences of harm that we carry inside of us and in our interactions with life.  We can surrender all of the ways in which we are hurtful to ourselves and others.  We can shift our focus from harm to healing, from perpetrators to helpers, from past hurt to present safety, from victim to miracle, from anger to peace, from despair to grace.  And we can do this work with the emotions of compassion, curiosity, faith, gratitude and humility.  This puts us in the energy of the solution and in harmony with life, regardless of current conditions.  When we no longer feed the fire of negativity, we can rise from the flames of harm and allow our hearts to tell a whole new story.